In five years, I cannot really think of one thing I have accomplished. I have been set back in many ways, partly because of chasing this midwifery dream, the other things, I probably will not write about on this blog any time soon. I just want to disappear. RUN! I want to go where nobody knows my name, nor do they give a shit. Where people will just talk to me if they feel the need without asking me my entire background. It is hard for me to lie. The stories just start a-coming. Then, they know too much and I have to spend the rest of my time dodging them not to show my face.

And my parents...I've spent all these years hoping they would understand me, relate to me, respect my decisions, see where I am coming from. And it has never happened yet. I spoke to a counselor one time within the past 6 months and you know what he said,


Okay, so he didn't really say that. He was telling me about some celebrity or millionaire who said his one best piece of advice was TO STOP LISTENING TO EVERYONE.

I can only do me. I don't know how to do anyone else and if that makes me look mentally ill then gawddamnit then it is what it is. Strangely, the worst times in my life have been when I have been under people: my parents and my long term partner.

Let an overseas opportunity fall in my lap and I will take it and no one here will ever see me again.

you need experience to be an out of hospital midwife

Interestingly, some many a lot of CNMs believe that you need experience in order to be an out of hospital midwife (birth center, home birth). What experience? They certainly mean experience within the hospital because that is where today's Nurse-Midwife practices. So, get this: A midwife needs hospital experience in order to practice midwifery effectively outside of the hospital.

Where dey do dat at?

And if that is the case, what about CPMs?

sex and preterm birth

Sexual intercourse is not a risk factor for preterm birth (124-127)
--Risk Factors for Preterm Labor and Delivery,  Julian Robinson, Errol Norwitz et al

I started writing this post on 4/25/11. One year ago. That's how long my brain has been clouded. I'm not sure what my original intention was, but I suppose anything that has to do with sex piques my interest. So let this be a segway into the majority of the stuff I will be talking about from now on.

I get the occasional couple that comes in and finally gets around to asking if it is okay to have sex while pregnant. I prefer to have this conversation with the woman alone. That way, if I say yes, and she doesn't really want to have pregnant sex, then she can go home and lie to her partner. If I give the green flag in front of him, I don't feel comfortable with the thought that he may be pressuring her into sex on account of my word.

You know what really irks me? When midwives tell women that semen, aka the prostaglandins in semen, help a woman to go into labor. I'm really not sure I believe that. Something doesn't sit right with me. I need to go pull some research.

So, go on and keep fucking. That is the least of your concern regarding [preterm birth and] your unborn child.  Well, except for maybe when infection is involved. But that's another topic (actually, it should really be a part of this topic, but I'm too damn tired.)

white kids and oral sex

by betty dodson
In general, white adolescents are more likely than other racial/ethnic groups to report having engaged in oral-genital or anal sex [3] and [5]. Compared with white adolescents, black adolescents initiate vaginal sex at earlier ages [6] and [7] and are more likely to engage in vaginal sex before noncoital activities [8] and [9]. Early sexual behavior also differs by socioeconomic status, with some evidence that adolescents from higher socioeconomic backgrounds are more likely to engage in oral-genital or anal sex [3] and [9].

I have no idea where I copied this information from. I have good intentions. When I'm reading, I highlight stuff to discuss here on this blog and to share with my friends. But I just have too much shit going on with this midwifery miseducation I'm going through. Sue me.

Anyway, word on the streets since I was a PYT (pretty young thang) was that white girls sucked dicked and took it in the ass. All the Black girls and guys knew this as well as their white male counterparts. Oh yeah and I grew up in some segment of the middle class. So, this comes as no surprise to many of us. Nice to see that they actually confirmed this through research though. LOL.

When I found out about oral sex, meaning cunnilingus, in my mind, it was something that white men did. I always thought white men were nasty (which is also what my mama taught me).

Black people on the other hand, seem to get busy really young. It is like a right of passage, but more so in the ghetto/poorer communities. I hear Black guys telling me that they had sex at like 12 and 13. And I be thinking, damn, you've been having sex for that long and you still can't fuck.

Come to think of it though, white people are smart for engaging in sexual activities that don't lead to pregnancy at such a young age. Consider that. Also consider that they can still claim virginity to daddy, as long as no dick goes in the pussy.